Friday, October 29, 2004
to those who are out of tune.. OUT OF TUNE WITH ZACH
Music had always been a part of my life, so when i became a mother, singing to my baby came as naturally to me as kissinh his sweet head. Everyday i would sing to Zach: lullabies, nursery rhymes and oldies that my mother had sung to me.
We'd snuggle into our favorite chair, and as i serenaded him, he would gaze deeply into my eyes, his tiny hand upon myskin. Zach loved it and would coo along with me bef. he could even talk. Then, at about the age of three, he stopped liking it. Each time i started to sing, Zach would cry. The lullabies and softer tunes would set him off. He'dwail loudly and atonally. So i stopped.
Some days this felt like the worst rejection i had ever known. He wasn't pushin me away the music- but me. His reactionstung like a slap. I should mention, however that Zach is mildly autistic. Although he is high on functioning scale, he has many challenges.One of the physical disorders. He is hypersensitive, meaning that he hears, feels, smells and tastes more intensely than others do.
Naturally, i used Zach's hypersensitive hearibng to help rationalize his rxn. to my singing. As years passed, though, Zach developeda liking to pop music, begging me to find rock n' roll stations on th radio whenever we were in the car. That music didn't seem to bother him..The louder the better!! When it was time for him to sleep, i'd say "Why dont you choose a song for us to sing?" He'd select a rolicking rendition of"Old MacDonald" or a jazzy version of "Eensy Weensy Spider" but never the exquisite "The Lion Sleeps TOnight" or "Hush, Little Baby". Once a year orso i'd ask him why he cried when i sang but the answer was always the same: "I don't know"
On the eve of Valentine's Day, i was putting Zach, then seven to bed, talking about the next day when his school class would exchange cards. He was very excited, but couldn't settle on just sending one. "Mum, You know. i really like Sandra, but i also like Bettina." I replied, it'sokay to like a lot of people, sweetheart". "But, Mum," Zach protestes, "I want you to be my real Valentine."
I was so touched. "Zach", i answered, "you will always be my valentine". WIthout thinking, istarted to singing one of my favorite old standards: "My funny Valentine, Sweet comic Valentine, you make me smile with my heart..."
I never made it to second line. Zach buried his face in his pillow and started to cry. Of course, i stopped singing immediately, but i felt terrible. Wordlessly,i held him in my arms and rocked him gently. After a while he stopped crying. "Zach" i said, "i want you to take as much time as you need, but try to tell me why youcry when i sing to you"
We stayed quiet for a very long time and then Zach said, "Mum, it's too beautiful".
---Reader's Digest; August 2004
Stupid_Doug sitting... waiting... at 10/29/2004 07:03:00 AM | 0 comments
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[ 'bout me. ]
"raymond j. san diego. aka monmon / momon / esdi / sd. Graduating psych student.
Gemini. Suffers from bipersonality disorder. Could last a day without talking.
Or could be the most manic person the next minute. Also suffers from sleep paralysis.
Loves the color green. Love dogs. Loves to sweat it out. Loves spongebob.
Frustrated cook. Frustrated singer. Frustrated instrument player.
Too optimistic.Too passive at times that he would laugh about things.
Too preoocupied with himself that he's talking in third person. "
[ Speak up!. ]
