Tuesday, May 09, 2006
if.only This morning while i was having my vaccine the nurse told me to simply relax because the muscle in my arms was contracting and the whole process would hurt in such case..i guess such bodily reactions is normal, when you know pain would be inflicted your reaction would be to expect or prepare for that pain..in this case, the preparation for the pain was the conrtaction of the muscles..i think to some extent having expectations is a good thing, in a way it it is a process of preparing for pain so that if it occur the extent of the pain would be lessened and even better you would feel nothing..getting the same reactions (of pain) would eventually numb..it's like having something go below the surface and once you get out the same thing happens, some could be scare of it..it's as if everything is repeating itself and eventually you be come so used to it, you be come so numb and everything is just natural..oh well, all these thoughts were running in my head..it's fun being alone in a bus, it makes you think..
***
it was a hot afternoon..quite unusual for the rainy season..it was June then, and we were having our serving of tea..cold..iced..fast forward..we were sitting and trying to kill time..hoping to remove all these uneasiness and boredom that we were having for the past hour..can't recall how it started..who started..but i found comfort in you..and you to me..it was the kind of comfort you long for from all those loneliness.
if you only knew what was going through my head..you made me put them into words..i didn't know if you noticed how tears started to come out of my eyes..my voice was cracking..i tried to hide it with my smile..with my laugh..and i was successfull..it was never in my nature to talk that way..that fast.
if you only knew in one blink..everything felt good..i discovered so much..and learned a lot..all those moments that we missed and could have shared flashed through my face..and now here we are..sitting again..but everything is different..so much has changed.
if you only knew how i saw the happiness covering your face..exhilirated. you have found almost everything. you have made your way out. loneliness replaced by happiness. i can see how much you've changed and i believe that so much joy is still in store for you. me? yes, i know you can read me well enough..i'm trying to make may out. finding my way into happiness. i'm never lonely..for i know you're here..but literally i'm lonely but happy..as i put it. we put it. and i know your happy that i'm happy..and enough with the word happy.har har.
if you only knew..we parted ways..words were spoken..some we can't recall anymore..but i will always cherish those moments. and i forgot to tell you "thank you".
if you only knew..how your words sheltered me...how your time made me strong..how your voice covered my ears (and those of others)..how you made me feel..how you made me laugh..and smile.
and again i thank you for making me feel important..that i am someone worth your time..yes, you're right "i was never a nobody"..for in your eyes "i was never a nobody"..and that is enough to keep me going.
remember the day.cause even the impossible is easy when we got each other..one day we're gonna get so high..Stupid_Doug sitting... waiting... at 5/09/2006 07:08:00 AM | 0 comments
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[ 'bout me. ]
"raymond j. san diego. aka monmon / momon / esdi / sd. Graduating psych student.
Gemini. Suffers from bipersonality disorder. Could last a day without talking.
Or could be the most manic person the next minute. Also suffers from sleep paralysis.
Loves the color green. Love dogs. Loves to sweat it out. Loves spongebob.
Frustrated cook. Frustrated singer. Frustrated instrument player.
Too optimistic.Too passive at times that he would laugh about things.
Too preoocupied with himself that he's talking in third person. "
[ Speak up!. ]
