sitting.. waiting.. wishing..: so hard to think

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Saturday, December 09, 2006
so hard to think

i haven't written anything for the past few days and i feel like it is affecting my sanity..work has been nice, so far..but frankly speaking i'm feeling some pressure and fear (from my boss) and i don't know why..last wednesday i was 30mins late..wah! you when your day seems to be so shitty..i was able to ride the bus after about 20mins and after that i got stuck in traffic at makati ave and so i decided to ride a cab and unfrotanelt of all the days thta it could happen the cab that i rode got broke and to make things worse the dirver doesn't know where PBCom tower is..

just a shitty day, u know when your running late and the bus/cab/fx/jeep that your riding would suddenly turn in order to fill up their tank with gas..of all the timing huh? when worse come to well worse..you realize you forgot something and simply put just a shitty day..

it was a very bad wednesday, i don't know why but the pc's in our office broke specifically the ones used for testing and we had to call all the way to Idia, and that call actually gave a relief because it was really funny..

oh well, at least i get to go home after..and after going to sleep i didn't forget to whisper my prayers and still i am very thankful for everything i have right now..yes, i'm still looking for something and still striving for more but i still don't know what that is..but i am very much willing to wait..

i looked outside the window and saw the monn was very beautiful that night..and this song from our childhood days starting playing in my head:

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight.Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer.That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.And even though I know how very far apart we are.It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby.It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.Somewhere out there if love can see us through.Then we'll be together somewhere out there.Out where dreams come true.And even though I know how very far apart we are.It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby.It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there.Out where dreams come true

*****

i read may's my space about 3 months ago (i think), and i remembered one question that was asked during her interview..something like "what do you want?" or "what is your dream?" and may answered "to be happy in everything that i will do.."

those words struck me, because that is the very thing that i am looking for, we all are looking for, and yes someday i will be. i rememebred a friend told that "lovelife lng kailangan mo"..right now, i think it's not..my officemate told me a few days ago "ok sya, pra magkagirlfreind ka na din"..and you know what i said? "i don't need a girlfriend" with a lot of conviction and suddenly a little apprehension..haha!

but i was having my reflective moments in the bus, i realized that yes..i was right i don't need another person in my life right now, i don't need to have a gf to make me happy..i want to be happy and complete on my own..i want to realize what i want and what in need on my own..and when i have come to my senses and get a clear picture of what those things are..and just then maybe i can give it try..but hopefully you'll be there..c;

Stupid_Doug sitting... waiting... at 12/09/2006 05:28:00 PM | 0 comments

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[ 'bout me. ]

"raymond j. san diego. aka monmon / momon / esdi / sd. Graduating psych student. Gemini. Suffers from bipersonality disorder. Could last a day without talking. Or could be the most manic person the next minute. Also suffers from sleep paralysis. Loves the color green. Love dogs. Loves to sweat it out. Loves spongebob. Frustrated cook. Frustrated singer. Frustrated instrument player. Too optimistic.Too passive at times that he would laugh about things. Too preoocupied with himself that he's talking in third person. "

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