Wednesday, February 28, 2007
after 10 years I just wanted to share this letter with you guys, medyo late na for the season. Umiikot sa intranet sa office 'tong letter na 'to unfortunately alang internet
access sa station ko (pang-managers lng meron). Confidentiality issue daw kasi..ahehehe..kaya print sabay type ulit ako..ahehehe..
For those falling "in" or "out" of love or wishing one day they will.
I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me,
if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long ot find each other.
Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended.
I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.
I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies?
Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other?
Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the asnwers to all my questions.
Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever known "love".
I do not have the asnwer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not,
we will never really know what love is until we find the right person...
and since I have not found you yet, then may be I do not really know what love is!
You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what if feels like to be in your arms.
Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet!
Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes,
or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!
I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.
I think of all the pain that I have gone through the past and how much I have cried since the day I began my search.
I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me-- the life I shall spend with you.
In my mind and in my heart I know that you are all that pain and sacrifice.
After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away
my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU!
I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.
But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting ofr you!
I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.
At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky,
hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me.
I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reac you.
And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way
and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams.
It seems that, for now, that is the only place where i can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you.
In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.
And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough,
you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured hat you are worth the wait.
And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined,
just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be!
By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through,
in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all
lead me to you!
In the meantime, take care of yourself for me.
Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go.
Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens.
God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions.
Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting loss, God saw to it that all roads,
no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.
*****
I was struck by Mareng Cynthia's post. What's the purpose of work?
Wake up. take a shower. (if time would allow) eat breakfast. go to work (hopefully on time).
do your job. eat lunch. go home. ride the bus/mrt/lrt/taxi/fx/jeep. eat dinner.
take a shower. watch tv. read. go to sleep.do those things all over again.
Yes, you earn money. save it. use it. buy stuff. eat what your taste buds long for.
treat some people or simpy treat yourself. After that there's the feeling of fulfillment.
It will last for a few days, hours, minutes, seconds..then you feel not empty maybe half-empty.
You work your ass off, try to reach your quota. Do some overtime. You smile when you reach your target.
for hours, minutes, seconds..then you feel something's missing.
You palpitate just having the thought of your boss scolding you. or maybe committing some mistakes.
Your boss would remind you of your errors --- constructively. A feeling of relief sets in.
Minutes, seconds..you would like to feel for more.
You look at the clock. and see the clock strike at 5 or 6 or 7.
For a second your happy. Your going home.
And then what?
Sometimes, I do feel that I only work because "it is my duty".
I get paid for doing stuff.
I want more. I want to have more passion. reason.
For what? that is yet to be discovered.
Hooo hummm..I hate this feeling. I really do.
When can this stop? OR will it stop?
I should believe it would stop. and it will.
May point nga si MAreng Cynthia. Ano bang ginagawa ko? Pinapayaman nga lng 'tong kumpanya 'to.
Oo, binabayaran ako. pero di naman lahat nababayaran, di lahat nabibili.
Paibaiba ang moods. hays..todo kaba ka kapag may maling nagawa na parang gusto mo ng umiyak.
tas kapag nalusutan mo..buhay ka na naman..tas paulit..ulit.ulit..ulit..ang ganung scenario.
My mantra for the past few months has been: "I'll do my best and God will take care of the rest"
and then I came across a book and I've been trying to instill this thinking from that book.
It says: ""Do what you don't like to do, and you will know what you want to do". I've been holding back sa office, when it
comes to my relationship with them. I try to keep everything professional. It's so hard to build new relationships, especially
when you have that thinking that it may end quickly, add to the fact that some are just hard to be friends with,
some are hard to trust and especially when at the back at your head you feel that they may actually have some sort of
propaganda against you. Tas ung tipong sira na ung image mo sa mga nasa kabilang site dahil sa mga mali na di naman
talaga ang may gawa.Ang hirap maparanoid! wah! Di mo alam san ka lulugar. I'm friends with some but the relationship is not that deep.
Iba trip nila. Yosi. Alak. Bars.Things that I never do, and never plan to do. Basta iba ang morals nila.
****
We'll do it all.Everything. On our own.
We don't need.Anything.Or anyone.
If I lay here.If I just lay here.Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know.How to say.How I feel.
Those three words.Are said too much.They're not enough.
Forget what we're told.Before we get too old.Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time.Chasing cars.Around our heads.
I need your grace.To remind me.To find my own
If I lay here.If I just lay here.Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
All that I am.All that I ever was.Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where.Confused about how as well.Just know that these things will never change for us at all.Stupid_Doug sitting... waiting... at 2/28/2007 07:45:00 PM | 0 comments
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[ 'bout me. ]
"raymond j. san diego. aka monmon / momon / esdi / sd. Graduating psych student.
Gemini. Suffers from bipersonality disorder. Could last a day without talking.
Or could be the most manic person the next minute. Also suffers from sleep paralysis.
Loves the color green. Love dogs. Loves to sweat it out. Loves spongebob.
Frustrated cook. Frustrated singer. Frustrated instrument player.
Too optimistic.Too passive at times that he would laugh about things.
Too preoocupied with himself that he's talking in third person. "
[ Speak up!. ]
